No 2. Restless, looking for you.
I am the raindrop falling down,
Always longing for the deeper ground
I am the broken, breaking seas
Even my blood finds ways to bleed
Even the rivers ways to run
Even the rain to reach the sun
Even in my thirsty streams,
Even in my dreams
I am restless, I am restless
I am restless, looking for you
I am restless, I run like the ocean to find your shore
I’m looking for you (Switchfoot, Restless).
It is a great reality of the Christian life that we experience both great satisfaction and, because of that, great hunger for a deeper, truer reality than presently we know.
When God gave us new life, he created in us an appetite for Him, pouring into us the water of life that takes away all thirst (John 4:14). So there’s this amazing sense in which we feast on the abundance of God’s house and drink from the river of delights in God’s presence, having been restored in relationship to God through the death of Jesus (Psalm 36:8).
But it’s this same satisfaction in Christ, this precious and life giving joy, which at times—particularly when we are suffering—causes a great pain, a piercing longing for a fuller, richer, more powerful, face to face abiding with the Lord of glory. Because we have tasted and seen God’s goodness (Ps 34:8), we cry out with agony in hunger pains for the wedding feast of our Groom.
David too had looked upon God in his sanctuary, beholding his power and glory (Ps 63:2), which is the very reason he cried out like his life depended on it, “O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water” (v. 1). He’s saying “I will die if I don’t have you!”
Something interesting has happened as I search for Davin, something very much along the lines of this scriptural theme. As I follow him, I find great joy and refreshment from the life of a saint who was poured out as a drink offering for our faith. I find that I’m really experiencing the mercy of Jesus as I climb the peaks of glory in Davin’s life, that I’m really finding Christ.
But at the same time, in a sovereign mixture of grace and gall in a fallen world, my heart is ripped open wide by the loss, the grief, the heartache, and the piercing blow of death. I’m reminded that redemption is not complete this side of eternity. There is a day coming when we shall all eat face to face, in the skins of perfected humanity, but right now there are widows and lonely friends and battered parents and long, weeping nights.
And so the present reality reveals pools of blessing along the way of our desert journey of barrenness, pointing us homeward till we stand in the river of God in heaven. And I am restless, looking for Davin, looking for Christ. Like the raging ocean looking for the eternal shore, I rage and roll, longing for that day when I arrive on land and greet my friend with our Lord.
Even in my dreams, I think of them. The reality is I’ll sit at the feast with Davin, with all the family of God, and we’ll all be in splendor as we look on the radiance of our King. Today, it’s a piercing joy, a desperate longing for what I’ve tasted only in part. What I have tasted propels me on to that day of fulfillment.
And I hold on to this promise as I look and search for my friend, who is standing next to Jesus: “If you seek him, he will be found by you” (2 Chronicles 15:2).
Until the sea of glass we meet
At last completed and complete
The tide of tears and pain subside
Laughter drinks them dry
I’ll be waiting
All that I aim for
What I was made for
With every heartbeat
All of my blood bleeds
Running inside me
Looking for you